Julia vs. Julianne?
Written By: PT on May 5, 2012 3 Comments
President Barack Obama’s new composite girlfriend “Julia” is unable to do anything in her life with Barry’s personal intervention. Unable to cope with life, Julia would even have to call on the Department of Hinder-Wiping to even make it out the door. Waking up next to Julia would be like waking up next to Janeane Garofalo or Wanda Sykes.
So rich for ridicule, Julia is a complete Occu-loser. So let’s kick her back to her Mom’s spare room and let’s look at Julianne. She sounds like the kind of gal you’d be proud to take home to meet the parents.
The President’s campaign has created The Life of Julia to tell the tale of a woman’s life as it is affected by his policies. Here is the story of Julianne, the conservative alternative to Julia.
3 Years Old
Julianne’s parents read to her every night. They take time to play games with her that teach her how to count and how to solve problems. When they enroll her in kindergarten she’s ready to learn and succeed.17 Years OldJulianne excels in school thanks to her parents’ active involvement in her life. Her mother is a stay at home mom that carefully monitors Julianne’s homework and grades throughout her scholastic tenure. Her father takes practice SAT tests with her and encourages her to work hard.18 Years OldJulianne’s parents have put part of their yearly salary towards a college fund for her ever since she was born. They also encouraged her to get a part-time job in high school and required her to contribute part of her paycheck to the fund. As a result, Julianne can afford the college of her choice.22 Years OldDuring college, Julianne requires emergency surgery. She is covered by her insurance, which she can afford because it is a low-premium package designed specifically for this kind of unexpected expense. She pays for it with the part-time job she got the first week she arrived on campus.23 Years OldJulianne’s parents instilled in her a strong work ethic, so Julianne graduates college at the top of her class. Now that she has graduated, the web development firm she has worked at part-time throughout college hires her on as a full-time employee, paying her a higher wage thanks to her degree and tenure.25 Years OldAfter graduation, Julianne only has one loan. It paid for the car she drives to work. She pays a little extra on it every month so that it will be paid off faster.27 Years OldFor the past four years, Julianne has worked at the web development firm. She has been promoted thanks to her tenure and excellent work ethic, which earns her full health and dental benefits. She takes care of herself, so that she does not need preventative care, and she can easily afford her birth control pills.31 Years OldJuilianne meets a nice young man at work. They fall in love and he proposes to her. After they are married, they decide together to have a child. Their combined salaries and health plans easily cover her care throughout her pregnancy. They also begin saving for the expenses to come.37 Years OldJulianne and her husband had a child named Zack. They learned from their parents’ example and are very involved with Zack’s life. They have purchased a home in a very safe neighborhood with excellent public and private schools, which they researched prior to moving in.42 Years OldNow that her son is going to school full time, Julianne decides to start her own web design business. She easily qualifies for a low-interest small business loan from her local bank, and is able to contribute half the start-up money from her savings. She is able to hire employees and grow the local economy.65 Years OldJulianne’s web business is very successful thanks to all the qualities that made her a great student and mother. She is able to pay for her health care with the profit she makes from her business.67 Years OldJulianne finally retires, selling her web design business to her protege. Her and her husband’s combined savings allow them to enjoy a comfortable retirement. Her work with the PTA made her very popular, so she is elected to the Town Council and works to improve her community.
Julia: Weak, whinny and co-dependent, Julianne: Strong, self-reliant, an entrepreneur. I’ll tale Julianne every day.
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